The New PGA

The old, antiquated Professional Golf Association has recognized its failure to celebrate diversity and to reward all players equally under the handicap protocol.

On January 13, 2010, the Professional Golf Association officially became the Progressive Golf Association and formally adopted the Liberal Golf Rules, 2010. These rules spell out in detail how the playing field will finally be leveled for all players, thereby not favoring the best players over the poorer players.

"It is simply wrong to treat all players alike", said Loretta Phinzer, spokeswoman for the newly renamed PGA, "and the Progressive Golf Association will start treating the handicapped players just like the scratch players".

http://www.liberalgolf.com

Where does goodness and mercy come from?

Progressives (the new term for Liberals) believe that all good things come from government. For them, there is nothing else.

Conservatives tend to believe that all good things come from God.

THAT's why Progressives/Democrats want to raise taxes! If the government has more money, it can be benevolent to more people. Progressives don't believe that if you give people welfare, it diminishes their ability to develop their own talents.

Since conservatives think that all good things come from a higher power, especially our inalienable rights, we need to be free to develop our innate talents and skills without the government hammer threatening us.

America is still the most generous and benevolent country in the world and 90% of that goodness is private, only 10% comes from government. Conservatives think that mankind needs a challenge and if you take care of everyone's needs, they will become dependent. Of course, this has been proven over and over and over and over and over and over.

Progressives deny this saying most people need help and we're here to help...and accept your vote. They deny the adage that "insanity is trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result".

Progressives play liberal golf where the playing field has been leveled for everyone.

Conservatives want the most qualified golfer to win and the losers to have to go back and practice.

It's all in your mind

It’s all in your mind.

Do you realize that 99% of your reality is fabricated inside your mind? You don’t actually see the outside world, you sense it. Light sensors in your eyes convert the image to electrical impulses that are converted to some system that your brain can “read”. Sound waves vibrate on ear drums converting mechanical to electrical signals that somehow your brain recognizes. You guffaw when you hear a fart, you run when you hear a bear. Nerves in your fingertips generate signals that travel up your arms in nerve conduits connecting to a mysterious center in your brain that tells you if you are picking up sand paper or dog doo.
Your nerve sensors detect the stimulus. The nerves carry the response signal. Some center in your mind interprets the signal, your upbringing, experience and education tell you how to react to the finally evaluated signal.



Now that we've proven that, it is important to realize that golf is also just a figment of your imagination. That's why we can change the rules without causing any anxiety; the rules don't matter! That's why we can adopt a rule like the Kennedy Water Hazard gambit without upsetting the equilibrium of the world as we know it...It just makes sense and everyone accepts that.



Since the entire game of golf is made up of sensory translation of electrical impulses and not the thing itself, the rules must be a step behind because they are created based on the third-party interpretation of what appears to us to be real.



It is interesting that our brains interpret the nerve impulses pretty much the same. If I see a tree on the fairway, so will my partner. He'll see the same thing so I'm sure it's actually there. The problem is what does it REALLY look like? If seen through eyes that only interpret infrared spectrum the tree would look entirely different that if the tree were interpreted through eyes that operate on the visible spectrum

Undocumented Citizens?

Undocumented Workers or Illegal Aliens? What are they? Are they citizens in waiting? Are they patriots in the closet?

Send 'em back....you can't send 'em back...that's crazy!

I remember in the late 70's coming back from Ensenada and driving north on I5. I had to dodge the aliens running across the freeway! We didn't want to hit 'em so cars skidded all over the place trying to miss them. It's sort of like crashing your car into a telephone pole trying to avoid a cat in the road. They couldn't care less that you were left a quadrapelegic,paralized from the ears down; they got away--that was the important thing.

Our insecure, fearful and, in some cases, corrupt congressmen have been avoiding the problem ever since it started. They have never passed legislation that would have put a stop to the fantastic problem that developed over the years.

The money the illegals cost us is fantastic. The crime, murder, rape, insurance fraud and welfare that they cost us is fantastic. Why haven't our congressmen closed the borders for the last 25 years?

Here's what the French have to say. It is impossible to believe I agree with the French!
"France's new immigration minister ruled out the possibility of legalizing undocumented immigrants on masse". says Brice Hortefeux heads the Ministry of Immigration and National Identity -- newly created by President Nicolas Sarkozy to manage the inflow of immigrants and protect French values and cohesion," the AP reported. "'We have to put aside massive legalization. It doesn't work and it penalizes, even immigrants'

The number of deportees was expected to reach some 25,000 this year, and Hortefeux said he would ensure that figure was reached. Sarkozy, elected president May 6, had reached out to the anti-immigration far-right to capture votes, rankling some of his own allies by creating the new immigration ministry.

Freeze Dry Corpses?

SWEDEN COULD FREEZE DRY CORPSES...IT'S GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!

The Swedes intend to freeze dry your grandma, vibrate the supercooled corpse into dust, and fertilize the plants with it! "IT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA", Says Lena Liljeroth, Minister of Culture.

Published: 16th May 2007 12:08 CETOnline: http://www.thelocal.se/7325/

Sweden is considering allowing freeze-drying as a new method to bury the dead instead of traditional burials and cremations, Culture Minister Lena Adelsohn Liljeroth told the Swedish church's weekly paper on Wednesday. "I would like to push for the issue of freeze-drying bodies. I think it is interesting and based on what I have heard I have a positive view of the method," Adelsohn Liljeroth, whose brief covers burial laws, told Kyrkans Tidning.

"How interesting it would be to see your grandmother's body literally desintigrate before your very eyes", said a smiling Liljeroth. "Then I would inherit....aaah....I think the process is interesting", she added.

Discuss this (2 Posts) The freeze-drying method offers an environmentally friendly burial transforming corpses into organic compost. Traditional burials and cremations hurt the environment by polluting air and water. "First, the pollution from creamation is a serious problem", said Suzanne Wiigh, owner of Promessa, the company initiating the new process.

"Also, a corpse buried in a coffin will take many years to decompose completely and undergoes a messy organic change that can actually affect our drinking water", she said. "Imagine drinking secretions from rotting corpses that have seeped into the drinking water".

According to Wiigh, under the new method, the corpse is frozen to a temperature of minus 196 degrees Celsius in a liquid nitrogen bath. Then, the body is broken down into a rough powder through mechanical vibrations. The remains are then dehydrated and cleared of any metal, reducing a body weighing 75 kilograms (165 pounds) in life to 25 kilograms (55 pounds) of pink-beige powder, plus the remains of the coffin.The whole process takes place in a facility resembling a crematorium and lasts for about two hours.

Swedish legislation would need to be changed in order to legalise the method."We will have to put forward a proposal to change the burial law," the minister said, adding that many of Sweden's bishops shared her positive view.The Lutheran Church of Sweden has been pushing for the legalisation of the new method for years.

"Finally! We have been in touch with the culture ministry over and over again," Karin de Fine Licht, a lawyer for the church told the paper.Ten frozen bodies are already waiting dust reduction as soon as the new method is approved, the paper said. Swedish biologist Susanne Wiigh said her company Promessa has perfected the freeze-drying method, and the company has applied for patents in 35 countries.

The Church of Sweden holds a five percent stake in Promessa alongside Wiigh's 42 percent. Industrial gases company AGA Gas, part of Germany's Linde group, has taken a controlling stake of 53 percent in the company.Promessa has promoted the idea of using the human remains, like compost, to feed plants and shrubs.
AFP (news@thelocal.se)

USGA handicap for the weak kneed.

The United States Golf Association is quietly updating it's golfing rules to account for the need for political correctness and non-judgementalism. It is becoming increasingly important to play the venerable old game with a new sense of inclusiveness giving special respect and consideration for the weak kneed, the politicians, transgendered and homosexual players.

The "weak kneed" are the newest protected class as defined by the U.S. Government Office of Personnel Management. The Chapter 17 rules now better define the class as being..."those who carry with them a weak sense of self worth and personal identity consequently, easily insulted and humiliated..." The USGA is recognizing that these players need special consideration up to and including a separate scoring system called the Snivelling Players' Insensitivity Training otherwise known as the new "SPIT" rules. This nows allows for a player whose feelings have been hurt by a particularly incompetent shot may yell "SPIT" after the shot thereby qualifying him for special Spit scoring treatment.

Letter to the Editor

Gosh... what's wrong with Kennedy and Biden? Do they get some masochistic excitement out of reeking like fetid rectal blasts? I look at Kennedy's bloated face and see an alcoholic lunatic. Frankenstein is apparently the only one helping him finish his sentences by now.

Biden's looks like a foolish passive-agressive, pustule ready to burst all over himself. He vacilates between drooling over the girls at Princeton to absent mindedly opining out loud why no one likes him.

What an embarassment these two are. They wonder why Europeans don't like us (it must be because of that rascal Bush). Well...it's not because we fart out loud at diplomatic dinners...it's because our favorite two morons are drinking out of the toilet again. That disgusts even the French!

It's sad to see the Kennedy/Biden Bunch, so drunk, so out of it, so embarrassing and embarrassed. No one wants these two vermin to be making decisions for us....well...except for Massachusettians.

Hey Joe! Hey Ted! No one wants your bloated, senseless corpses hanging around...just interfering with people who actually work for a living.

What does this have to do with Liberal Golf? Well, consider the Kennedy water gambit. In golf, it's called the Kennedy water hazard rule: If the golfer hits a ball in the water, he may avoid a penalty that could injure his professional reputation by running from the site of the errant shot and hiding from all the other golfers in his foursome. If the player who hit water shot is successful in hiding from his partners for 4 minutes, he is not required to record a penalty on his score card simply by saying..."I never hit the ball in the water...it's right here".